Because sex tapes are so 5 minutes ago.

You wanted me to be more relevant, you got it.

I usually don’t address gossip on this site.  It’s mindless and requires little to no brain matter, hence why it’s left for the lesser intelligent of us.  That’s not what I’m here to do with this, and moreover I’m not the kind of person who endorses gossip.  I don’t enable it, I rarely am on that chain of people who spreads it, and I usually forget most of what is whispered to me within less than a day because, with the risk of sounding like a snob, I actually have better and more important things to do.

A reliable source confirmed to me and a couple of the kids over at The Angry Pothound early this week that this new story was supposed to hit the scene in Trinidad: that former Miss Universe contender, Pilar designer, and generally upstanding T&T citizen Anya Ayoung-Chee had a very naughty sex tape floating around, and that someone has just busted it online, and that it would be only a matter of hours before the story exploded.

Well, we didn’t even have to wait, because ten minutes into our conversation, we were alerted to the fact that certain people were already putting it up as a Facebook status (lame) and blasting it all over their Twitter accounts and various social media outlets (double lame).  The finger-jockey courage … it’s crazy, I’m telling you.  Do we have nothing better to do, people?

SIDE NOTE: If you’ve been a regular visitor to The R, then you will know that I constantly say that good taste is dead, and trash is alive and well these days.  It’s true.  There’s too much of everything, we live in times of complete excess.  It’s a counter-argument for the realities of recession and the fact that there’s so little money actually circulating in the global economy compared to how much once did.  People also get bored, and crave an effective escape.  Check and see which products and industries are managing to stay afloat: drugs, alcohol, shit talk … you know, all the trashy stuff we love to partake in, then pretend to abhor.

Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were the first to create a “celebrity sex tape” back in the 90′s.  At the time, they claimed it had been stolen from their house.  The amount of press they got as a result was amazing.  It was also much-needed, at a time when both their careers had pretty much stalled.

Fast-forward to 2009, more than 10 years later, and everyone who’s anyone has taken notes out of the Lees’ book.  Sex sells, and they managed to prove it.  So, more and more substandard, B-list and C-list (and Z-list) “talent” began having sex tapes that “leaked” (read: were sent over, possibly anonymously, by these people or their equally fame-hungry publicists).  If you read any pop culture news, then you’ll know that there’s a sex tape out every, hmmm, week or so.  It’s according to who’s in it that gets higher points on the scale, but it always gets them some press time and some pub for at least a week or two.  Great push if you’re releasing a project, or just want some paparazzi face time because you’re an attention-whore.

Anya Ayoung-Chee has a brand to support, true.  But she’s also a well-known, well-connected woman on the scene and chances are this wasn’t what she intended to have happen.  Like I said to my source: Trinidad is not ready for that sort of thing, we’re a country full of prudes.  We’ll do anything behind closed doors and spout something totally different when we’re around others.  It’s the hubris we all cling to.  It’s getting bad.

Whether this is an intentional leak (because Trinis love nothing more than being fadwhores and follow-fashions), or the revenge of a mean-spirited acquaintance … who cares?  She’s young, she’s well-known, she’s successful, she’s bright, she’s wealthy, she makes some great clothes … and because it’s a small country, she’s accessible.  People will undoubtedly flap their gums, which was completely expected.

For some reason, I was in no way shocked.  Neither were the kids at The Angry Pothound, and neither was my source.  Not because of who it was, but simply because sex tapes don’t grab the headlines that they used to, and we’re smart enough to know this.  They’ve been done.  They’re passé.  Even writing this now, I am yawning.  It’s really not a hot enough story – what’s hot here, at least for me, is people’s behaviour and reactions.  Because, honestly, do we really care that much about what gets off someone that we don’t even know? (Most of the people whose comments I read, by the way, have never met Chick and never spoken to her.  But that’s the way the ladder goes, right?)

No seriously, do you really care that much about this?

The R Word: Rant.  I KNOW Trinidad has better headlines than this.  I’ve heard something about a TT$2 million flag and a dictator prime minister?